From Incompatiable to Irresistable (February 5th, 2006)

Becoming a godly man (February 12th, 2006

Becoming a godly woman (February 19th, 2006)

where nobody stands alone

A Desperate Parent (February 26th, 2006)

His Needs Her Needs message series From Incompatiable to Irresistable Vision statement It is the dream of a place that cares so much about new families that it will go the distance. Families of all ages and sizes will connect with others that have been in their shoes. It will be a place that offers relevant training to promote successful and joyful living in today's world. “Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener” Similar Quotes. Introduction of series and book:  His needs / Her needs by Willard Harley have practical helps in the back of the book.  Worksheets to go through. You may not be married today, but I want you to listen to the principles of this love that we are speaking of and apply it to your life and future marriage. Genesis 2: 15 (NAS) Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. 16 The LORD God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die." 18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Title:  The Roles of Marriage I.  Claim and Live up to your marital responsibilities 2: 15 - 17 - God gave a command to Adam even before Eve existed.  Adam had a responsibility to lead his family into obedience. 3: 17 - God held Adam, the husband responsible for the deeds of his household. In 3: 12 - Adam knew where the blame was coming so he didn’t only blame his wife, but blamed God for giving her to him. Application: Man’s role - to lead his marriage in fulfilling all the roles. - it is his responsibility to make sure all this is happening despite the cost. Ephesians 5: 23 - for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Woman’s role - submit to leadership despite cost. - not allow the efforts of solution to disappear. Ephesians 5: 22 - Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Why do men and women have different roles in marriage? Men and women aren’t the same. Play brad stine clip II. Husband …  Wife you are not alone, so don’t act like it v.18 - It is not good for man to be alone (Eccl. 4:9, etc.), that two are better than one, and woe to him that is alone. we have need of one another’s help; for we are members one of another, and the eye cannot say to the hand, I have no need of thee, 1 Co. 12:21. A suitable wife is a help-meet, and is from the Lord.  A suitable spouse will bring you closer to the Lord, and not though adversity, but joy. 1 Co. 7:33, 34. Read v. 20 - no other creature is suitable for a man but a woman - Dog is not man’s best friend Why is Adam given the privelege of naming the animals? 1. A proof of his knowledge, as a creature endued with the faculties both of reason and speech, and so taught more than the beasts of the earth and made wiser than the fowls of the heaven, Job 35:11. And, 2. A proof of his power. It is an act of authority to impose names (Dan. 1:7), and of subjection to receive them. This is to show us that Adam needed companionship that was not beneath him, but was beside him. Application: Dr. Harley - “If any of a spouse’s five basic emotional needs to unmet, that spouse becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair. His Needs Sexual Fulfillment (cannot have without her affection fulfillment) Recreational Companionship An Attractive Spouse Domestic Support (Peace and Quiet) Admiration (to be proud of him) Her Needs Affection (cannot have without his physical fulfillment) Conversation (talks to her) Honesty and Oppenness (trust fully) Financial Support Family commitment Sexual Fulfillment (cannot have without her affection fulfillment)Affection (cannot have without his physical fulfillment) Most problems come from when one isn’t happening with someone then the other doesn’t receive their greatest need of fulfillment. The solution - to have the romance that your marriage deserves someone has to break the cycle - man’s responsibility. “Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.” Harlan Miller quotes One thing for sure, we are not alone, so we can’t act like it.  We must communicate clearly to one another: The Importance of Using Correct E-Mail Addresses > > A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long >weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had >jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was >decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his >wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband >checked into the hotel. > > There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail >back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her >address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. > > In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. >He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' >following a heart attack. > > The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives >and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the >floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the >floor, and saw the computer screen which read: > > To: My Loving Wife > From: Your Departed Husband > Subject: I've Arrived! > > I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything >has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing >you then! > Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. > > P.S. Sure is hot down here! III.  Bring Romance into Your Marriage v. 21, 22 - Woman is part of who the man is, so she must be treated like he would treat himself. Ephesians 5: 28 - So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of His body. v. 23 the marriage enjoyed by Adam and Eve defines romance. By necessity and lack of any other option, they related to each other exactly the way God meant for them to. I can feel the passion in Adam's words, "This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." Even though God didn't fashion her from one of my ribs, my wife is as much a part of my body as my own arm or leg is. She is mine, and I am hers. Romance #1 is understanding that she exists for me and I for her, and together we are one body. #2 Romance is doing three things: How a Man Should Romance His Wife by Dennis Rainey (Thursday, February 02, 2006) Study your spouse so that you will know how to serve them 4. When getting married, you have a natural tendency to bring your wife into “your” world and you strive to have a wife that gels into  your life, instead of studying your wife to know what she is about. a. Doing something that your spouse enjoys despite what you know or feel about it, is your task. 5. Don’t be a Home Depot husband.  A man that walks around acting like you know what exactly you are doing. a. You need to study your wife and understand that maybe you aren’t an expert. Speak the love language of your spouse 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Receiving Gifts 3. Quality Time 4. Acts of Service 5. Physical Touch      3. Treat them better than you treat yourself Invitation:  Why should you learn and do better in your marriage? Because others are watching. a. Your children are watching and will exemplify what you do. b. Your marriage has a generational impact. Announcement:  Team Kid Meeting next Sunday in the Kid’s nursery area.  For all participants and parents

Vision statement - It is the dream of a place that embraces the growth of the individual and the collective. This is a place that will intently reproduce 12 small groups per year and one church plant per year for the purpose of creating more stations of growth and relationships for the individual and the collective.  It is a dream of seeing people come into the church and being mobilized for everyday ministry, then sending them out to do that ministry.  With every church plant, 10% of the resources and people will be accompanied with it to provide a strong launch. His Needs Her Needs message series “ "/quotation/the-human-being-is-flesh-and-consciousness-body/387945.html" ” "/quotes/olivier_messiaen/" Title:  Week 2, Becoming the man that your marriage needs why do I want to be a godly man or woman? Genesis 29: 11, 20 – 30 (NAS) Then Jacob kissed  " \\ R864" Rachel, and lifted his voice and wept. 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because  " \\ R874" of his love for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give {me} my wife, for my time  " \\ F519" is completed, that I may go  " \\ R875" in to her." 22 Laban gathered all the men of the place and made a feast. 23 Now in the evening he took his daughter Leah, and brought her to him; and {Jacob} went in to her. 24 Laban also gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid. 25 So it came about in the morning that, behold, it was Leah! And he said to Laban, "  " \\ R876" What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served with you? Why then have you deceived  " \\ R877" me?" 26 But Laban said, "It is not the  " \\ F520" practice in our place to marry  " \\ F521" off the younger before the firstborn. 27 "Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also for the service which you  " \\ R878" shall serve with me for another seven years." 28 Jacob did so and completed her week, and he gave him his daughter Rachel as his wife. 29 Laban also gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maid. 30 So {Jacob} went in to Rachel also, and indeed he  " \\ R879" loved Rachel more than Leah, and he served with Laban  " \\ F522" for another  " \\ R880" seven years. I. Respect your wife and others a. Respect your wife and others by clinging to godliness i. V. 20 – He had to serve Laban for 7 years before obtaining his daughter for marriage.  Jacob was a man of his word, he was a man of integrity, he was a godly man. 1. When the issue comes up in v. 25 – Jacob being a godly man did not go gossiping about Laban, but looked him eye to eye and discussed the problem. ii. By being the best that God has purposed you to be b. Respect your wife and others by respecting boundaries i. Jacob understood the boundaries of marriage (v. 26) and spent seven more years respecting that boundary. 1. He could have killed the whole tried and kidnapped Rachel, but he did not. ii. Never caught alone with another person of the opposite gender alone 1. 2 Thess. 5: 22 – avoid all appearances of evil iii. Do not get close to the boundary of temptation c. Respect your wife and others by building them up i. always speaking respectfully/edifying of others when they are present and when they are not. ii. Jacob was deceived by Laban (v.25), but Jacob did not go off and bad mouth his future father in law, but still honored his wishes 1. He did this because he was passionate about Rachel. Connect group blurb - February 15th  - Love for the Long Haul – Ruth 1: 14 – 18 II. Individually and cooperatively cling to God (What is a godly man?) a. Genesis 29: 11 - - when he met this girl, he helped her roll back a stone to water the flock, then he kissed her, yelled and cried. i. Wouldn’t you like your wife to do that to you? b. Thesis i. He was certainly not a perfect husband, nor she a perfect wife, but his tender, lifelong love for her is a wonderful picture of biblical romance. ii. They were not perfect, but they were godly “ "/quotation/but_someone_once_described_the_contrast_between_a/331018.html"” "/quotes/bill_mccartney/" ( "/nationality/american_authors/" football  "/occupation/famous_coaches/" at the University of Colorado, and President of Promise Keepers , b. "/birthday/august_22/") iii. c. Godly Man (say them with me) i. Psalm 4: 3: 3 But know that the LORD has set  " \\ F34"  " \\ R66" apart the godly  " \\ R67" man for Himself; The LORD hears  " \\ R68" when I call to Him 4 Characteristics of a Godly Man III. He is a Sage (a Lover of the Word) "O how love I your law." (Psa. 119:97) a. He loves the counselling part of the Word, as it is a directory and rule of life. b. He loves the threatening part of the Word. i. God will wound the head of His enemies, the hairy scalp of the one who still goes on in his trespasses." (Psa. 68:21). The Word gives no indulgence to evil. It will not let a man halt half-way between God and sin. c. He loves the consolatory part of the Word - the promises. i. "In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul." (Psa. 94:19). d. A godly man shows his love to the Word written: i. By diligently reading it. (Acts 17:11). ii. By frequently meditating on it: "It is my meditation all the day" (Psa. 119:97). iii. By delighting in it. It is his recreation: "Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart." (Jer 15:16) iv. By hiding it: "Your word I have hidden in my heart" (Psa 119:11) v. By defending it.: "Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever, for they are the rejoicing of my heart." (Psa 119:111) vi. By preferring it above things most precious 1. Above food: "I have treasured the words of His mouth More than my necessary food." (Job. 23:12). 2. Above riches: "The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver." (Psa. 119:72). 3. Above worldly honour. Memorable is the story of King Edward the Sixth. On the day of his coronation, when they presented three swords before him, signifying to him that he was monarch of three kingdoms, the king said, "There is still one sword missing." On being asked what that was, he answered, "The Holy Bible, which is the 'sword of the Spirit' and is to be preferred before these ensigns of royalty." vii. By talking about it: "My tongue shall speak of your word." (Psa. 119:172). viii. By conforming to it. (2 Tim. 4:7) IV. He glorifies God a. A person may live in one place, yet belong to another. A godly man displays God’s glory in six ways: i. A godly man is heavenly in his election 1. He chooses heavenly objects. (Psa. 84:10). ii. A godly man is heavenly in his disposition 1. He sets his affections on things above (Col. 3:2). iii. A godly man is heavenly in his communication 1. His words are sprinkled with salt to season others (Col. 4:6). iv. A godly man is heavenly in his actions 1. A godly man is sublime and sacred in his motions; v. A godly man is heavenly in his expectation 1. His hopes are above the world (Psa. 39:7): "In hope of eternal life" (Titus 1:2). "we rejoice in hope of the glory of God" (Rom. 5:2). vi. A godly man is heavenly in his conduct 1. A godly person emulates not only the angels, but imitates Christ himself (1 John 2:6). The Macedonians celebrate the birthday of Alexander, on which day they wear his picture round their necks, set with pearl and rich jewels. So a godly man carries the lively picture of Christ about him in the heavenliness of his deportment. V. He is humble a. Illustration i. Walter Cronkite recalls the following incident: Sailing back down the Mystic River in Connecticut and following the channel's tricky turns through an expanse of shallow water, I am reminded of the time a boatload of young people sped past us here, its occupants shouting and waving their arms. I waved back a cheery greeting and my wife said, "Do you know what they were shouting?" "Why, it was 'Hello, Walter,'" I replied. "No," she said. "They were shouting, "Low water, Low water.'" Such are the pitfalls of fame's egotism.  Ray Ellis and Walter Cronkite, North by Northeast. b. St Augustine calls humility the mother of the grace. c. Be humble or you'll stumble.  D.L. Moody. d. I distinguish between being humbled and humble i. A man may be humbled and not humble. A sinner may be humbled by affliction. His condition is low but not his disposition. His heart is as low as his condition. e. A humble soul is emptied of all swelling thoughts of himself. David, though a king, still looked upon himself as a worm: `I am a worm, and no man' (Psa. 22:6). f. A humble soul thinks better of others than of himself: `let each esteem other better than themselves' (Phil. 2:3). g. A humble man will justify God in an afflicted condition: ' When clouds are round about God, yet `righteousness is the habitation of his throne' (Psa. 97:2). h. A humble soul is a Christ-magnifier (Phil. 1:20) i. A humble soul is willing to take a reproof for sin. A gracious soul loves the one who reproves: `rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee' (Prov. 9:8). j. A humble man is willing to have his name and gifts eclipsed, so that God's glory may be increased. (Phil. 1:15). k. A humble Christian will stoop to the the lowest office; he will visit the poorest member of Christ. (Rom. 12:16). VI. He is patient a. ‘Ye have heard of the patience of Job' (Jas. 5:11). b. There is a twofold patience: i. Patience in waiting 1. 'My soul waiteth for the Lord' (Psa. 130:6). ii. Patience in bearing trials 1. 'I will bear the indignation of the Lord' (Mic. 7:9). VII. Why do I want to be a godly man? a. Because you love you wife, family and friends. b. The first step is to connect with Jesus.

His Needs Her Needs message series The Perfect Story: There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman.  After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.  Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.  Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? Answer: The perfect woman.  She's the only one that really existed in  the first place.  Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. A Male's Response: So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving.  This explains why there was a car accident. Thesis There is no perfect husband, nor a perfect wife. Perfection does not dictate godliness We are to look at the scriptures for true romance, godliness and warnings of ungodly people. I. Oh Woman, do not be a Jezebel a. 1 Kings 21: 25 Surely there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the LORD, because Jezebel his wife incited him. b. 1 Kings 16 – begins the story of Jezebel i. Manipulative - In her hands her husband became a mere puppet. (1 Kings 21:25) ii. heathen princess; iii. peculiarly disastrous iv. designing, crafty, malicious, revengeful, and cruel. v. instigator of persecution against the saints of God. vi. Guided by no principle, vii. restrained by no fear of either God or man, viii. passionate in her attachment to her heathen worship ix. maintain idolatry x. Revelation 2: 20 – she is deceptive, we ought not tolerate her. xi. 2 Kings 9: 30 – she physically seduces others xii. idolatry was of the sensual kind." Her conduct was in many respects very disastrous to the kingdom both of Israel and Judah (21:1-29). II. Woman thou art excellent a. Illustration: i. Today's young women are more likely to become depressed than their mothers were and at a younger age. Reasons: increased economic pressure to contribute to family income...changing role in society...inability to meet their own expectations...a sense of having lost control.   Dr. Gerald Klerwan, in Homemade, December 1986. b. Proverbs 31: 10 – 31 (NAS) 10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. i. Titus 2: 12 … deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, ii. But someone once described the contrast between a good life and a godly life as the difference between the top of the ocean and the bottom. On top, sometimes it’s like glass – serene and calm – and other times it’s raging and stormy.  But hundreds of fathoms below, it is beautiful and consistent, always calm, always peaceful.”  - Bill McCartney (American football coach at the University of Colorado and President of Promise Keepers, b.1940). c. Characteristics of a Godly Wife i. Proverbs 31 1. Trustworthy a. v. 11 She can be trusted, and he will leave such a wife to manage for him. 2. Pleasures in her duties a. v. 13 She is one that takes pains in her duties, and takes pleasure in them 3. Produces good fruit, v. 18 a. She makes what she does turn to good account by prudent management. 4. benefits her family v. 28 a. She looks well to the ways of her household, that she may oblige all to do their duty to God and one another, as well as to her. b. her business to please her husband and to benefit him - 1 Co. 7:34 i. Her children grow up in her place, and they call her blessed. ii. Her husband thinks himself so happy in her that he takes all occasions to speak well of her, iii. She gets the good word of all her neighbors, as Ruth did, whom all the city of her people knew to be a virtuous woman, Ruth 3:11. 5. Giving a. v. 20 - She is intent upon giving as upon getting, and does it freely and cheerfully. 6. Shows discretion – v. 22, 26 a. 26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue b. v. 22 – she is not flirtatious and flaunting. She is discreet and obliging; c. She is discreet and obliging in all her discourse, not talkative, censorious, nor peevish, as some are, that know how to take pains; no, she opens her mouth with wisdom; when she does speak, it is with a great deal of prudence and very much to the purpose; you may perceive by every word she says how much she governs herself by the rules of wisdom 7. Shows Wisdom a. V. 22, 26 every word she says shows she governs herself by the rules of wisdom. 8. Fears the Lord a. Above all, she fears the Lord. . 30. 9. a virtuous woman—a woman of strength v. 25 a. She has firmness to bear up under crosses and disappointments. She shall reflect with comfort when she comes to be old, that she was not idle or useless when young. III. Why do I want to be a godly woman? a. Because you love you wife, family and friends. b. The first step is to connect with Jesus.

His Needs Her Needs Message series Raising Children can be difficult How to bake a cake: Preheat oven; get out utensils and ingredients. Remove blocks and toy autos from table. Grease pan, crack nuts. Measure two cups of flour, remove baby's hands from flour, wash flour off baby, re-measure flour. Put flour, baking power, and salt in sifter. Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on the floor. Get another bowl Answer doorbell Return to kitchen, remove baby's hands from bowl. Wash baby. Answer phone. Return. Remove one-fourth inch salt from greased pan. Look for baby. Grease another pan. Answer telephone. Return to kitchen and find baby. Remove his hands from bowl. Take up greased pan and find layer of nutshells in it. Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table. Wash kitchen floor, table, walls, dishes. Call baker. Lie down. Source Unknown. Mark 9: 14 – 25 (HCSB) – a desperate parent 14 When they came to the disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and scribes disputing with them. 15 All of a sudden, when the whole crowd saw Him, they were amazed and ran to greet Him. 16 Then He asked them, "What are you arguing with them about?" 17 Out of the crowd, one man answered Him, "Teacher, I brought my son to You. He has a spirit that makes him unable to speak. 18 Wherever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I asked Your disciples to drive it out, but they couldn't." 19 He replied to them, "O, unbelieving generation! How long will I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring him to Me." 20 So they brought him to Him. When the spirit saw Him, it immediately convulsed the boy. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. 21 "How long has this been happening to him?" Jesus asked his father. "From childhood," he said. 22 "And many times it has thrown him into fire or water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." 23 Then Jesus said to him, "'If You can?' Everything is possible to the one who believes." 24 Immediately the father of the boy cried out, "I do believe! Help my unbelief." 25 When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly coming together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You mute and deaf spirit, I command you: come out of him and never enter him again!" A parent has a two fold purpose Dr. Willard Harley gives you the tools you need to meet two important goals: staying in love and helping your children thrive. In fact, you'll find the two go hand in hand. Doing what it takes to stay in love with each other will help your children grow up to be happy and successful. And raising children the right way will help you build a love that lasts a lifetime. Why aren’t there sequels to chic flick romantic movies, because the natural assumption is that when they fall in love they have children and you can’t have romance with children. Title:  And then there were three:  Are children a threat to your marriage? I. A Parent is a guardian (v. 17) a. A guardian i. of the marriage ii. the children 1. products of love of marriage a. The man brought his son’s sickness to the physician, because he was responsible for guarding over the boy’s safety. b. Guards the marriage i. Boundaries of the marriage 1. date nights 2. respect of each other c. Guard the children i. Teaches them about the Lord 1. Deut. 6: 4 – 7 (NAS) a. 4 " R253 Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD R254 is one! 5 " R255 You shall love the LORD your God with R256 all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 " R257 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 " R258 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. ii. Teaches them lessons learned iii. Sets an example on how to live sensibly 1. handles finances, relationships and marriage, job responsibly. d. The average young teenage American girl views 1500 references to sexual acts on TV annually, according to a study at Michigan State University. Boys of that age view an average of nearly 1300 such and attend 17 R-rated movies annually. According to the teens studied, parents "never" or "not often" limited their TV viewing. There's little indication that parents exercise any control, positive or negative, over TV viewing.   Homemade, March, 1989. e. Without boundaries our children will be delinquent i. How to Train Your Child to be a Delinquent by Swindoll, The Quest For Character, Multnomah, p. 105-6. 1. When your kid is still an infant, give him everything he wants. This way he'll think the world owes him a living when he grows up. 2. When he picks up swearing and off-color jokes, laugh at him, encourage him. As he grows up, he will pick up "cuter" phrases that will floor you. 3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is twenty-one and let him decide for himself. 4. Avoid using the word "wrong." It will give your child a guilt complex. You can condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted. 5. Pick up after him--his books, shoes, and clothes. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others. 6. Let him read all printed matter he can get his hands on...[never think of monitoring his TV programs]. Sterilize the silverware, but let him feast his mind on garbage. 7. Quarrel frequently in his presence. Then he won't be too surprised when his home is broken up later. 8. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. Every sensual desire must be gratified; denial may lead to harmful frustrations. 9. Give your child all the spending money he wants. Don't make him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you did? 10. Take his side against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They're all against him. 11. When he gets into real trouble, make up excuses for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him; he's just a bad seed." 12. Prepare for a life of grief. II. A parent is an example – role model (v. 14) a. Illustration i. The man in the supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, "Keep calm, George. Don't get excited, George. Don't get excited, George. Don't yell, George." ii. A lady watching with admiration said to the man, "You are certainly to be commended for your patience in trying to quiet little George."  "Lady," he declared, "I'm George." Source Unknown. b. He brought his child out into the public. i. Although his child was possessed by a demon he was not angry, but was trying to take care of the situation ii. Connect Group Blurb:  March 1st – When Anger gets the best of us:   Psalm 78 c. He automatically was placing his life in the way of differences. d. His neighbors and all the town was seeing the example that He was setting for his child. i. God’s summary of Josiah 1. 2 Kings 22: 2 a. He did right in the sight of the LORD and walked in all the way of his father David, nor did he turn R682 aside to the right or to the left. e. He was willing to go the distance for his son f. Illustration: i. Training children to obey: In Genesis 2:16 God first outlines the perimeters within which there is freedom. Then he specifies the restriction. Finally he states the consequence of disobedience. 1. If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. 2. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. 3. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. 4. If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself. 5. If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty. 6. If a child lives with encouragement, he learn to be self- confident. 7. If a child lives with tolerance, he learn to be patient. 8. If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative. 9. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. 10. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. 11. If a child lives with recognition, he learns to have a goal. 12. If a child lives with fairness, he learns what justice is. 13. If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is. 14. If a child lives with sincerity, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him. 15. If a child lives with love, he learns that the world is a wonderful place to live in. III. A parent is a believer (v. 24) a. Illustration: i. Socrates once wrote: "Could I climb to the highest places in Athens, I would lift up my voice and proclaim; Fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth, and take so little care of the children to whom you must someday relinquish it all?"  Socrates. b. The parent has to give something of worth to the child c. This is the element of a caring parent. d. A believer in the one that can heal all relationships. e. Our vision as a church is to mobilize families of all ages and sizes with relevant training to promote successful and joyful living in today's world. According to a recent study, young men with high self-esteem shared some common childhood influences. There were three major characteristics of their families. (1) The high-esteem group was clearly more loved and appreciated at home than the low-esteem group. (2) The high-esteem group came from homes where parents had been significantly more strict in their approach to discipline. By contrast, the parents of the low-esteem group had created insecurity and dependence through their permissiveness. Their children were more likely to feel that the rules were not enforced because no one cared enough to get involved. (3) The homes of the high-esteem group were also characterized by democracy and openness. Once the boundaries were established, there was freedom for individual personalities to grow and develop. Thus, the overall atmosphere was marked by acceptance and emotional safety. Dr. James Dobson,  Focus of the Family Bulletin, July 1994. Property Laws of a Toddler (Evidences of Original Sin) Test this on the toddlers in your home or church this Christmas! 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my hand, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If it's broken, it's yours. Deb Lawrence, Missionary to the Philippines with SEND International, quoted in Prokope, November/December, 1992, p. 3. The loving mother teaches her child to walk alone. She is far enough from him so that she cannot actually support him. She holds out her arms. Her face beckons like a reward, an encouragement. The child constantly strives toward a refuge in her embrace, little suspecting that in the very same moment he is emphasizing his need for her, he is proving that he can do without her.  Soren Kierkegaard. Researchers at Johns Hopkins University reported that 30 years ago, the greatest fears of grade school children were: 1) Animals, 2) Being in a dark room, 3) High places, 4) Strangers, 5) Loud noises.  Today, kids are afraid of the following: 1) Divorce, 2) Nuclear war, 3) Cancer, 4) Pollution, 5) Being mugged.  Back to the Bible Today, Summer, 1990, p. 5. A parent's responsibility is not to his child's happiness; it's to his character. My father would not have been particularly interested in a book about fathering, although he did like to read. One day when he was reading in the living room, my brother and I decided that we could play basketball without breaking anything. When I took a shot that redesigned the glass table, my mother came in with a stick and said, "So help me, I'll bust you in half." Without lifting his head from his book, my father said, "Why would you want twice as many?"  Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, Doubleday. Parent’s keep it simple, love each other first.