Part 1 - Words of Affirmation (June 2nd, 2002)

Part 2 - Quality Time (June 9th, 2002)

Part 3 - Receiving Gifts (July 7th, 2002)

Part 4 - Acts of Service (July 14th, 2002)

Part 5 - Physical Touch (July 21st, 2002)

Five Love

Languages

Message

Series

Generally, each sermon is a part of a series, that deals with applying the Bible to real-life issues.  Don't worry if you've missed part of a series.  Each Sunday will work together with the other sermons, or can stand alone to help you deal with the things life brings each day.

where nobody stands alone

The Five Love Languages Sermon Series Title: Words of Affirmation, part I ** Pray Love is the greatest gift in the world And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13: 13 Love should be the distinguishing characteristics of all of Christ’s followers. 34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13: 34, 35 I. What happens to love after marriage or a beginning of a relationship (with a spouse or Christ)? a. After the honeymoon period, the relationship seems to simmer down and become like a normal relationship. b. To be “in love” is not healthy for it is an obsession i. When you are “in love” everything seems irrelevant. ii. Everything that you think about is about that other person. iii. That is an obsession and not a healthy emotion. 1. It is a temporary emotional high iv. Three reasons why it is not REAL love 1. Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice. 2. Falling in love is not real love because it is effortless 3. The one who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. c. The obsession of “in love” is not supposed to last forever; it is but the mere introduction. i. THESIS 1. The heart of the sermon series is rational, volitional, and unconditional love. ii. DEFINITION 1. Love is the attitude that says, “I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.” II. Relational communication a. People speak five different love languages b. Contextualize i. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural and national lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we with to communicate. ii. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. iii. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. c. 5 languages and multiple dialects i. There are basically five emotional love languages – five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. ii. There are numerous dialects 1. The number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by one’s imagination. Play clip of cheapskate: a Citibank commercial of a man in his wife’s delivery room.  He is trying to cut costs in all the wrong ways.  His words are not affirming words but are words of a penny pincher. I. Biblical Example of Love Language #1:  Barnabas a. Acts 4: 36 i. A man named Joseph was such an encourager that he earned the nickname “Son of Encouragement,” or Barnabas, from the Jerusalem Christians b. Tell aspects of his life of encouragement i. Acts 4: 32 – 37; 9:27 – 15: 39 ii. A Levite from Cyprus, which became a leader in the early Christian church. iii. He is the outstanding example of generosity iv. In Acts 11: 22, his gifts were recognized by the Jerusalem church. v. He recruited Saul known as Paul – Acts 13: 9 1. When Saul was converted to the Christian Paul, Barnabas introduced him to the apostles for fellowship and support. 2. It was Barnabas that accompanied Paul along the missionary journeys. 3. Acts 14: 23 a. They appointed elders to provide future leadership in each church. 4. Barnabas and Paul disagreed about the accompaniment of Barnabas’ cousin John Mark. a. They separated after the first major missionary journey i. Acts 15: 36 – 39 b. Colossians 4:10 and 2 Timothy 4: 11 i. Reveal that Paul saw that Barnabas was patient and probably encouraging when he ministered to John Mark. c. Who was Barnabas? i. He was a kind, generous, warm-hearted man who gave freely of his time and talents of the cause of Christ both at home and in the distant places. ii. He encouraged his fellow Christian workers, and was a friend who was willing to give someone a second chance. iii. Acts 11: 24 1. He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith. II. Checklist for the Nature of Affirmation a. 1 Thessalonians 5: 11 – 23 i. Build each other up 1. Verse 11 ii. Respect Leaders 1. Verse 12 iii. Hold leaders in highest regard 1. Verse 13 iv. Live in peace 1. Verse 13 v. Warn the idle 1. Verse 14 vi. Encourage the timid 1. Verse 14 vii. Resist revenge 1. Verse 15 viii. Be joyful 1. Verse 16 ix. Pray continually 1. Verse 17 x. Give thanks 1. Verse 18 xi. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire 1. Verse 19 xii. Do not treat prophecies with contempt 1. Verse 20 xiii. Avoid every kind of evil 1. Verse 22 xiv. Count on God’s constant help 1. Verse 23 III. Love Language # 1 – Words of Affirmation (Encouragement) a. This is not verbal flattery to obtain something that you want. i. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well being of the one you love (42). b. Dialects i. Giving verbal compliments is only one way to express words of affirmation. ii. Encouragement, Kindness, Humble Words, and Appreciation are the DIALECTS of Affirmation iii. Another dialect is encouragement. 1. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. a. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. 2. Encouraging equals empathy 3. Encouraging may be difficult a. It may not be your primary love language iv. Love is kind 1. Tone of voice a. If we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. b. I love you. – Versus – I love you? c. A soft answer turns away anger. 2. Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs a. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. b. None of us is perfect. c. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. v. Humble words 1. Love makes requests, not demands. a. When I demand things from my spouse, I become the parent and she the child. c. Psychologist William James says the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated i. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals. ii. Three ways 1. Give indirect words of affirmation a. Saying positive things about your spouse when he or she is not around. 2. Affirm you spouse in front of others when he or she is present. 3. Writing letters of affirmation to the person d. The key to Words of Affirmation i. Express verbal appreciation for the things you like about the other person and, for the moment, suspending your complaints about the things you do not like. IV. Invitation a. Do you need words of affirmation? b. God tells us today that no matter who you are you can be holy i. Lev 19:2 1. `Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy. c. Another Biblical Example:  Jesus Christ tells us today that we can be perfect. i. Matthew 5: 48 1. Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. d. God tells us that we may be weak or have faults, but through Him you are sufficient. i. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 1. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

The Five Love Languages Sermon Series Title: Quality Time, part 2 ** Pray John 13: 34, 35 A new command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. I. Biblical Example of Quality a. Moses and the tabernacle i. God was very concerned about the quality that Moses would put into the tabernacle of the Ark of the Covenant. 1. Why was God so concerned about the Ark of the Covenant? a. A golden rectangular box that contained the Ten Commandments b. Symbolized God’s covenant with Israel’s people c. Located in the Most Holy Place within the tabernacle. ii. So He detailed them out for Moses 1. Exodus 25 – 40 – Two Sections a. God’s detailed directions to Moses on the building of the tabernacle b. followed by an account of how these instructions were carried out. 2. In between the two halves of the Tabernacle narrative is the episode of the Golden Calf a. Exodus 32 – 33 iii. A picture of the tabernacle has been provided for you: iv. The tabernacle consisted of a rectangular court around a central sanctuary structure. v. The court was estimated as one hundred forty – five feet long, seventy feet wide and seven feet high (44x21x2.1m). vi. The exact length of a cubit, the biblical unit of measurement is uncertain, but it has sometimes been put at eighteen inches (45 cm). vii. The furnishings were made from the finest and costliest materieals by two expert craftsmen, named in Exodus 31: Bezalel and Oholiab. viii. The structure of the tabernacle is the focus of the narrative, but there are also details of its contents, such as the altars and, about all, the ark of the Covenant, the sacred chest in which the tablets of the Law will be laid up. 1. Examine the tabernacle picture to discuss the details of its contents. ix. The tabernacle was designed to be portable. 1. Priestly writers were aware that no permanent sanctuary building existed before the occupation of Canaan. a. Before this time the Hebrew phrase “ohel mo’ed” was used to refer to the tabernacle. b. The Hebrew term “mishkan” was later used in reference to the tabernacle. II. Quality Time a. People speak five love languages. i. What makes one person feel loved emotionally is not always the thing that makes another person feel loved emotionally. ii. One medicine cannot cure all diseases. b. This language involves: i. Your undivided attention ii. Giving your life away as a gift to your loved one. 1. Spending fifteen minutes on the couch with the tv off and just talking to your loved one. 2. Then allow your loved one to spend fifteen minutes as well. 3. That is fifteen minutes that you will never get back. a. What a precious gift. Dialects Quality Time – Togetherness; Quality Conversation; Quality Activities c. Quality Time means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person. i. The activity that we do together is incidental ii. It is the vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness. iii. Example: 1. Dr. Chapman notes:  You can always tell difference between a married couple eating in a restaurant and a dating couple. 2. The married couple isn’t talking but looking at the aspects of the restaurant. a. Like they actually came there to eat. 3. The dating couple talks to each other. d. A central aspect of quality time i. Togetherness not proximity ii. Two people sitting in the same room are in close proximity, but they are not necessarily together. 1. Proximity is being physically close but not emotionally 2. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. a. Undivided attention e. Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation. i. Words of Affirmation versus Quality Conversation 1. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing. a. If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say. ii. Sometimes we don’t know how to effectively listen 1. Many of us are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. 2. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. 3. When listening to a quality time person, we need to do five things a. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. b. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time. c. Listen for feelings d. Observe body language e. Refuse to interrupt iii. Two types of personalities within conversations 1. Dead Sea a. The Dead Sea goes nowhere. b. It receives but it does not give. 2. Babbling Brook a. Whatever enters into the eye gate or the ear gate comes out the mouth gate and there are seldom sixty seconds between the two. 3. Many times a Dead Sea marries a Babbling Brook. a. That happens because when they are dating, it is a very attracting match. b. Dead Seas can learn to talk and Babbling Brooks can learn to listen. One way to learn new patterns is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them. f. Quality activities i. One of the by – products of quality activities is that they provide a memory bank from which draw in the years ahead. ii. Essential Ingredients of quality activities 1. At least one of you wants to do the activity 2. the other is willing to do it. 3. both of you know why you are doing it a. to express love by being together. III. Invitation a. God is a god of detailed quality i. He gave Moses 13 chapters of details on how to take care of His holy word. b. The Doctrine of God’s salvation is in great detail and full of quality i. Justification 1. one is justified by being brought into a legal union with Christ. 2. When your price has legally been paid. ii. Regeneration 1. an actual alteration of one’s character is involved, an infusion of a positive spiritual energy. iii. Sanctification 1. the process of one’s spiritual condition becoming holier. 2. Sanctification comes to completion in the life beyond death. iv. Glorification 1. When the spiritual nature of the believer will be perfected. v. Perseverance 1. the individual’s maintaining faith and commitment to the very end through the grace of God.

The Five Love Languages Sermon Series Title: Receiving Gifts, part 3 John 13: 34, 35 A new command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. People speak different love languages The language could be as different as English from Chinese When I went to Mexico (2002), I had learned the word for excuse me was escoupe.  When I got down there and was very friendly and polite for the whole week, our young interpreter at the end of the week had asked me what I had been saying.  I told her and she quickly corrected me saying that “Excuse me in the Spanish language is descouze, escoupe translated to be ‘spit on me’”. ** Pray I. Biblical Example a. Magi  – Matthew 2: 11 After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him. Then, opening their treasures, they presented to Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. i. Three aspects can be noticed 1. Chronology a. It was sometime after the birth of Christ because they had already moved into a house for lodging. b. The house (not the manager) in which the Magi found the infant Jesus points to the fact that this visit followed Jesus' birth by a considerable interval, perhaps of months (cf. v. 16). 2. Treasure a. Three gifts: gold frankincense, and myrrh - Wycliffe b. Gave rise to thought of three magi. - Wycliffe c. The three gifts symbolize Jesus as King, Son of God, and one destined to die. - Wycliffe d. Some will have these gifts to be emblematic of the Divinity, regal office, and manhood of Christ. "They offered him incense as their God; gold as their king; and myrrh, as united to a human body, subject to suffering and death." – Adam Clarke 3. Kingship a. Magi bowed i. And fell down and worshipped him.] Clearly this was no civil homage to a petty Jewish king, - Jamieson b. The people of the east never approach the presence of kings and great personages, without a present in their hands. – Adam Clarke II. Receiving Gifts a. When giving gifts one should give with all one’s heart i. Luke 6:38 1. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ii. When you take care of one that you care about, you are taking care of your well-being as well. 1. That is why it is said a. Acts 20: 25 i. It is more blessed to give than to receive. b. Gifts are symbols of love i. The gift itself is a symbol of a loving thought ii. How are gifts to be found? 1. Gifts may be purchased, found or made 2. There is one gift that cannot be bought a. Acts 8:20 i. But Peter said to him, "May your silver perish with you, because you thought you could obtain the gift of God with money! III. Invitation a. The intangible gift that speaks the loudest: gift of self. i. Rom 6:23 1. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. ii. Unchurched 1. John 14:27 a. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. iii. Christians 1. 2 Tim 1:7 a. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

The Five Love Languages Sermon Series People speak different love languages Title: Acts of Service, part IV ** Pray John 13: 34, 35 A new command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. Three truths about love: 1. What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage. 2. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. 3. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. a. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. Acts of Service could be demanding:  Play clip of either Emperor’s New Groove, where Konk is in the kitchen trying to serve the Emperor and the witch at the same time, or play Spiderman, where his spider web was not exactly serving himself the way he wanted it to serve him. II. What is this language? a. By acts of service, we mean doing things you know your loved one would like you to do.  You seek to please the person by serving them, to express your love for them by doing things for them. b. Jesus expressed early in His ministry that those that would be great would be servants. III. Biblical Example a. Eliezer (Genesis 15:2 – 3; 24) i. Chapter 15 1. Abraham names Eliezer his earthly heir. 2. God states: “This ma will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir.” ii. Chapter 24 (notes taken from Life Application Bible) 1. V. 3, 9 a. Accepted the Challenge 2. v. 5 a. Examined alternatives 3. v. 9 a. Promised to follow instructions 4. v. 12 – 14 a. Made a plan b. Submitted the plan to God c. Prayed for guidance d. Devised a strategy with room for God to operate. 5. v. 21 a. Waited b. Watched closely 6. v. 26 a. Accepted the answer thankfully 7. V. 34 – 49 a. Explained the situation to concerned parties 8. v. 56 a. Refused unnecessary delay 9. v. 66 a. Followed through with entire plan IV. How can we make the life of Eliezer applicable to our own a. We need to understand our role as a servant: 1. I AM OBLIGATED TO EVERY OTHER CHRISTIAN. “God has given you some special abilities; be sure to use them to help each other…” 1 Peter 4: 10 “There are different kinds of service to God … together you form the body of Christ and each one of you is a necessary part of it.” 1 Corinthians 122: 5, 27 The “One Anothers” of Fellowship (Partial List)   Serve one another   Galatians 5: 13   Accept one another   Romans 15: 7   Forgive one another   Colossians 3: 13   Greet one another   Romans 16: 16   Bear one another’s burdens  Galatians 6: 2   Be devoted to one another  Romans 12: 10   Honor one another   Romans 12: 10   Teach one another   Romans 15: 14   Submit to one another   Ephesians 5: 21   Encourage one another  1 Thessalonians 5: 11 “The Christian who is not committed to a group of other believers for praying, sharing, and serving, so that he is known, as he knows others, is not an obedient Christian.  He is not in the will of God.  However vocal he may be in his theology, he is not obeying the Lord.”  Dr. Ray Ortland.

The Five Love Languages Sermon Series Title:  Physical Touch, part V ** Pray I. The Love Language a. Physical Touch b. People speak different love languages Play clip of Dumb and Dumber, when Lloyd drops Mary off at the airport and he gets a hug and a car wreck.  He got physical love. II. Biblical Example a. Jesus spitting in the blind man’s eyes b. Mark 8:22-30 22And they came to Bethsaida. And they brought a blind man to Jesus and implored Him to touch him. 23Taking the blind man by the hand, He brought him out of the village; and after spitting on his eyes and laying His hands on him, He asked him, "Do you see anything?" r you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's." 24And he looked up and said, "I see men, for I see them like trees, walking around." 25Then again He laid His hands on his eyes; and he looked intently and was restored, and began to see everything clearly. 26And He sent him to his home, saying, "Do not even enter the village." Peter's Confession of Christ d, "Get behind Me, Satan; fo 27Jesus went out, along with His disciples, to the villages of Caesarea Philippi; and on the way He questioned His disciples, saying to them, "Who do people say that I am?" and seeing His disciples, He rebuked Peter and sai 28They told Him, saying, "John the Baptist; and others say Elijah; but others, one of the prophets." 29And He continued by questioning them, "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answered and said to Him, "You are the Christ." 30And He warned them to tell no one about Him. i. The healing of the blind man of Bethsaida is recorded only by Mark. ACTIVITY to get congregation warmed up.  Get them active during the sermon. Have the left portion of sanctuary say shut up, the right part say “say what”, the tech table and couch say “what’s up”.  Have Jenna plain the keyboard in an organ tone.  Tell the story of the blind man in a slang version and get the people to say their phrases when we tell the story. c. We can notice four things about the cure i. Here is a blind man brought to Christ 1. Here appears the faith of those that brought him 2. We are brought to Jesus through the conviction of the Holy Spirit 3. We are brought to repentance through the vehicle of faith. a. Faith does not save us, but it is the vehicle in which we find God for salvation. ii. Christ leading this blind man 1. He did not bid his friends lead him, but he himself took him by the hand, and led him, to teach us to be as Job was, eyes to the blind, Job 29:15. 2. Ephesians 2: 8, 9 a. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast. iii. the cure of the blind man 1. By the one who came into the world to preach the recovering of sight to the blind (Lu. 4:18) 2. In this cure we may observe three aspects a. That Christ used a sign i. he spat on his eyes and put his hand upon him. ii. He could have cured him, as he did others, with a word speaking, but thus he was pleased to assist his faith which was very weak, and to help him against his unbelief. iii. And this spittle signified the eye-salve wherewith Christ anoints the eyes of those that are spiritually blind, Rev. 3:18. b. That the cure was wrought gradually, c. It was soon completed; i. Christ never doeth his work by the halves, nor leaves it till he can say, It is finished. ii. He put his hands again upon his eyes, to disperse the remaining darkness, and then bade him look up again, and he saw every man clearly, v. 25. iii. but, like the light of the morning, it shines more and more to the perfect day, and then they see all things clearly, Prov. 4:18. Let us enquire then, if we see aught of those things which faith is the substance and evidence of; and if through grace we see any thing of them, we may hope that we shall see yet more and more, for Jesus Christ will perfect for ever those that are sanctified. IV. Salvation Salvation involves the redemption of the whole man, and is offered freely to all who accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, who by His own blood obtained eternal redemption for the believer. In its broadest sense salvation includes regeneration, justification, sanctification, and glorification. There is no salvation apart from personal faith in Jesus Christ as Lord. A. Regeneration, or the new birth, is a work of God's grace whereby believers become new creatures in Christ Jesus. It is a change of heart wrought by the Holy Spirit through conviction of sin, to which the sinner responds in repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Repentance and faith are inseparable experiences of grace. Repentance is a genuine turning from sin toward God. Faith is the acceptance of Jesus Christ and commitment of the entire personality to Him as Lord and Savior. B. Justification is God's gracious and full acquittal upon principles of His righteousness of all sinners who repent and believe in Christ. Justification brings the believer unto a relationship of peace and favor with God. C. Sanctification is the experience, beginning in regeneration, by which the believer is set apart to God's purposes, and is enabled to progress toward moral and spiritual maturity through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in him. Growth in grace should continue throughout the regenerate person's life. D. Glorification is the culmination of salvation and is the final blessed and abiding state of the redeemed. Genesis 3:15; Exodus 3:14-17; 6:2-8; Matthew 1:21; 4:17; 16:21-26; 27:22-28:6; Luke 1:68-69; 2:28-32; John 1:11-14,29; 3:3-21,36; 5:24; 10:9,28-29; 15:1-16; 17:17; Acts 2:21; 4:12; 15:11; 16:30-31; 17:30-31; 20:32; Romans 1:16-18; 2:4; 3:23-25; 4:3ff.; 5:8-10; 6:1-23; 8:1-18,29-39; 10:9-10,13; 13:11-14; 1 Corinthians 1:18,30; 6:19-20; 15:10; 2 Corinthians 5:17-20; Galatians 2:20; 3:13; 5:22-25; 6:15; Ephesians 1:7; 2:8-22; 4:11-16; Philippians 2:12-13; Colossians 1:9-22; 3:1ff.; 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24; 2 Timothy 1:12; Titus 2:11-14; Hebrews 2:1-3; 5:8-9; 9:24-28; 11:1-12:8,14; James 2:14-26; 1 Peter 1:2-23; 1 John 1:6-2:11; Revelation 3:20; 21:1-22:5.  iv. directions Christ gave the man he had cured, 1. He was not to tell anyone about the things that had occurred. a. Some say Jesus said this because of an act of humility b. Some say Jesus said this to keep his presence in the town underwraps. c. Some say Jesus was trying to avoid any unnecessary problems from the Pharisees. 2. Jesus gave us as Christians directions before he left: a. Great Commission i. Matthew 28: 18 – 21 1. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. III. Invitation a. Jesus came to touch your life